This Secret
by atticus315
Summary: ml sort of fic. Liz is falling deeper into her sadness.
1. sorrow taking over

Chapter one: Sorrow taking over  
  
Dear Journal, I'm Liz Parker and as I continue survive the days that pass by, I realize, my sorrow is taking over me. It's taking over me and it has everything to do with this secret I carry. This secret that belongs to aliens to whom which I've bonded with. To whom which I have learned to love. I look back on what all of us have been through and am again reminded we've lost and gave up things so important for reasons already known. Especially myself. I find myself asking at times, how long will this go on? Will I ever have the chance of a normal life? Which is something I definitely need. Will I lose the last best friend I have? Will Max Evans hurt me again? By his betrayal the one person I love with my whole soul took a piece of me when he gave himself to her. She who murdered Alex, one of the best by my side who loved life to the fullest. I can't believe he loved her. Someone like that. It makes me sick. I know he'd risk everything for me, that he loves me that much. But it still hurts. It nearly killed me to see the pain in his eyes when he saw the supposed scene with Kyle the day I hate so much. I wish he knew the truth. As much as what he saw hurts him I can't help but remind myself what he entrusted me with is making me hurt too. Yet at the same time I'm so thankful for knowing, because its what brought everyone involved closer together than ever and in a way it made my life better. It led me to get to be with Max Evans who I'll die for any day and who is the reason I'm still breathing. I just didn't realize it would come with such a huge price Tto pay. This is tearing me up inside and I'm scared. So much has happened and it's making me fade. By my hurt I'm being eaten away slowly beneath this exterior. I'm supposed to be strong, the one with a plan, the one who has everything under control, but I can't help but feel this way. What happens if I am again caught off guard? Can I withstand more pain? More agony? Will I break? I have this feeling that won't go away. I feel something threatening is going to happen. Something bad coming this way. That whole gang wil l be greatly affected, but most of all myself. Because I'll be the target. Deep down inside myself I know it has everything to do with this secret I carry.


	2. grey eyes that make her wonder

Disclaimer: sadly I own nothing of roswell.  
  
Author's Note: just to let you know this takes place about a year and a half after season two, tess is gone and alex is still dead. Though max and liz aren't togather. sorry about that. oh yeah lets pretend evan essence was around this time.  
  
Chapter two: gray eyes that make her wonder  
  
It was exactly 8:30, morning time in the small town of Roswell and a cheery Maria Deluca waltzed through the back door of the crashdown cafe. She and Liz were to start the morning shift and she couldn't wait to lay some exciting news on her. She danced a funny little dance all the way to her locker while humming a familiar tune. Before hanging up her coat she pulled out two tickets from her right pocket and placed them into the alien themed apron tied around her waist. She turned around expecting Liz to be there, but she wasn't. The place didn't open until nine but she knew Liz was always up early ready to start a day's work. She checked around the front and behind the counter.  
  
"Liz?" Where's this girl? she thought. She looked around "Liz?"  
  
She became concerned knowing this wasn't like Liz, knowing anything can happen these days.  
Especially in their case. These days the whole gang worried about eachother more after everything they've been through.  
  
"She's probably upstairs or something," Maria told herself after realizing she was overreacting and it was unnecessary to worry way too quickly. " I worry way too much." she thought.  
  
With that she headed towards Liz's room upstairs and was relieved to see her best friend snoozing away. She strolled to the side of the bed and began waking Liz.  
  
"Liz, honey, you have to wake up, time to start our shift." She shook her friend lightly causing her to stir and mumble.  
  
"Maria...sleeping..still."  
  
"Sorry babe, but we have people to feed in 25 minutes and you need to get up and oh yeah, II have the best news you'll hear in the longest."  
  
Liz buried her head deeper under her covers and mumbled something Maria couldn't make out, leading Maria to frown. Standing tall she whipped those covers off of her sleepy head friend. A groaning Liz curled up into a ball and turned her back towards Maria.  
  
Listen up Chica, unless you want icy cold water splashed in your face I suggest you get up and listen to what I've been dying to tell you.  
  
She huffed, "what do ya say?" Her jaw dropped when she received no reply."Ok thats it, I'm getting the bucket." At those words Liz shot up. "Ok ok ok I'm up Maria."  
  
"Thought that might work."  
  
Liz rolled her eyes and yawned. "What is it, whats the good news?"  
  
Maria smiled and coolly answered, "well it just so happens, your best friend, me, who has been working these delicate hands to the bone feeding those slobbish customers, not to mention cleaning up after them as well, has been working over time and has just so managed to scrape up enough money to purchase two tickets to Evan Essence's upcoming concert! Oh yeah, I'm the best! She reached inside her pocket and took out the tickets waving them in Liz's face.  
  
Witnessing the look of proudness on her best friends face Liz leapt from her bed and hugged Maria, hoping to full her with her supposed excitement. "Maria thats great, when is it!?"  
  
Maria looked at Liz. "She caught me," Liz thought.  
  
"Oh no Liz, you're not fooling me with that one, I know you and you've been mopey dopey ever since that future max thing and Alex. Now I know how hard it is, believe me, we've been through alot, but its time to start living, having fun, we can't keep thinking about the past. Its time to live Liz, start having fun, and thats whats going to happen at this concert."  
  
Maria its just that... I'm...I''m- She decided to shut it, not wanting to throw anymore of her dumb problems on her friend's lap.  
  
There was a moment of silence that Maria broke. She stood up, "I'm just worried about you Liz, everyone is. Especially Max."  
  
At those last to words Liz looked up. "I know he is." She turned away looking outside her window to where she hid her journal, thinking of the feelings she poured all over it.  
  
"We better get down there. I'll start opening up and let you get ready." "Michael's probably waiting."  
  
""I'll be down in five minutes" she said.  
  
As soon as Maria shut the door Liz immediately felt guilty. "What's wrong with me? Maria went out of her way for great tickets and I still feel so... blah." Liz dragged herself to her drawer feeling stupid for feeling sorry for herself and pulled out her uniform to change.  
She looked at herself in her mirror, picked up a brush and began combing her hair pulling the long dark brown strands back into a ponytail. She stood there just staring at herself. She studied her face. Something about it was different. Realization dawned on her. It was her eyes.  
They bothered her. They look so gray she thought. So... empty.At the sight they were than filled with the liquid salty substance that slowly ran down her cheeks.. As the mirror with gray crying eyes looked back at her Liz began to wonder why couldn't she move on. 


	3. morning shift

Authors note: First I want to tell you thanks for your reviews they really mean a alot. They were just what i was hoping for. Second, sorry for the long delay, and third, I'll try getting more chapters out at a time. thanks again  
  
Chapter three: morning shift  
  
He wanted to hold her. To tell her things would be as they once were. But he knew he couldn't.  
It was the impossible. Things have changed. He could tell she had been crying. It pained him just to think about it. Literally. Watching as she worked her way jumbling orders he was amazed of how graceful she still was when knowing deep down inside she was a wreck. The emptiness in her eyes was noticeable, but only if you really looked deep into them. Max saw this. He saw as she desperately tried to hide her feelings when it was clear how she felt. He knew what was left of the strength Liz had was dissolving.  
  
Max looked away. The sight too painful to look at. If it were up to him he would have ate somewhere else, but for some reason his sister wouldn't have anything else. Guilt soon crept up on him. He couldn't stop thinking about Liz when he felt he should be thinking about his son.  
  
She'll get through, he tried to convince himself. But he knew it was hopeless. He turned towards his sister feeling her hand on his.  
  
"I'm worried about her too Max," she said looking at Liz. "She looks so... sad."  
  
"I know Isobel, you don't need to tell me."  
  
Isobel looked at her brother. "Don't get mad Max, I mean its like we're all stuck in the past.  
We're lucky if we experience one ounce of happiness. From what I can see, Liz is taking it the hardest You should talk to her-"  
  
Max held his head in frustration. He didn't want to hear this. "Isobel, I have a son to think about. A son that I don't even know that's alive or dead. Besides Liz won't talk to me. It's been months and you know that."  
  
Isobel decided to change the subject. "Where's Maria? I'm starving," she said scanning the place. Liz didn't take any orders with Max around.  
  
"Where the hell is she?" Liz searched frantically around hoping for any sign of Maria. She needed her to take down their orders, something she couldn't do anymore. With Max around at least.  
  
She froze. From the corner of her eye she could see Isobel nudging Max with her shoulder motioning in her direction. "Great, she thought, again caught in the moment of my pathetic weakness. I probably look like a lunatic."  
  
She stopped herself from continuing her search telling herself, "No Liz, you have to do this yourself. Today you move on." Taking a deep breath she turned towards Max and Isobel.  
Her body felt stiff as a board and her feet felt nailed to the ground. But she kept telling herself she could do this and she managed to move to the other end of the room eventually making her way towards their usual table. Max eyes were filled with hope. Liz caught a glimpse of this and quickly looked down. Focused on the pad of paper in her hand and her pencil in the other.  
  
"Hey Liz, Isobel shot out, breaking the overwhelming silence.  
  
Still avoiding eye contact, she replied,  
  
"Ok, I guess I'll have the saturn waffles and the... orange juice. Sorry... I don't know what you guys call it," Isobel said trying to be polite.  
  
Managing a small smile Liz slowly wrote down the order, dreading the moment she always avoided.  
  
"And you M-max?" she choked out.  
  
"How've you been Liz?" Max blurted out.  
  
For the first time Liz raised her head. She knew where this was going. "Fine Max. Now, what can I get you?"  
  
"Liz what's-"  
  
"Max, I need to take take your order, pl-"  
  
"I'm not hungry anymore.-"  
  
"Fine. Isobel, Maria will bring you your order."  
  
She turned to leave, but Max stood up catching hold of her hand. Chills ran through her body as a rush of images flashed through her mind. It was a mini movie of the bad from the very beginning. She could feel every moment that tore at her in a second. She ripped her hand out of his and yelped.  
  
For a while she just looked at him in pain. Than in anger. He realized what he'd done, but before he could say anything Liz interrupted him. Her expression was dead serious.  
  
"Max, just stay away from me." She left the crashdown not saying another word. 


End file.
